obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
