I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
