what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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