how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.