it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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