I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
