He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
