New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I could fuck to npr.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
