Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
