Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
