is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
