just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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