This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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