idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
