I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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