I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
