Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
