Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
