P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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