Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
