I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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