I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize