So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
