Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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