I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
