Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
