dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
