She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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