The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
