did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
