I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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