She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
