im drinking this country out of the recession.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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