I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
