If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize