I'm laying in your front yard are you home
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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