I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize