I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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