Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
