Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
