I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
