OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
