Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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