I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
