The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
