He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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