Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
