the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
