Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
