I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
