Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And then he peed in my hair
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