if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
