I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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