wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
