at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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