he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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