i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
