I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
