guys are only as good as the porn they watch
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
