I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
