Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
