We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
