Your tits are I can't wait for
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
