My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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