it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
