Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
