We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
