He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she smelled like a LAN party
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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